enmeshment, fusion, or relatedness?:

a conceptual analysis by michele bograd, from the book a guide to feminist family therapy

*note: i'm critical of the binary-gendered, heterosexist language, as well as the assumptive, essentialist language of *womyn are/men are...*.  however, i interpret this in a sociological framework, i.e. socialization teaches then reinforces many of these ideas within binary-gendered roles (and this is why these roles must be dismantled if patriarchy is to be smashed!)

"the terms 'enmeshment' and 'fusion' are such basic family systems terms that many family therapists, regardless of their theoretical persuasion, employ them as descriptive of dysfunctional family structures and processes. . . the analysis rests on the premises that: (1) basic family therapy constructs are male-defined and do not adequately address gender differences in human development or the socially constructed conditions of family life; (2) criteria of healthy system functioning reflect stereotypically male characteristics; (3) assessed by these standards, the preferred interpersonal styles of womyn are judged as undesirable or pathogenic; (4) although a distinguishing criterion of family therapy is its emphasis on relationships and interactional patterns, family therapy lacks a language of connection and intimacy."

"men and womyn do not stand in the same relationship to language.  since many of womyn's experiences are not positively encoded linguistically, they are distorted and/or rendered invisible.  language is not simply descriptive but prescriptive: as we narrate an event, we imply what should be."

"bowen developed a linear model of healthy human development.  on one end of the continuum is fusion.  the fused individual has no clear sense of self and is governed by feelings and intuitions rather than by a consistent system of rational beliefs and opinions.  because of poor self/other boundaries, he or she is too oriented to relationships, to responding to the needs of others, and to seeking approval.  in contrast stands the abstract ideal of the differentiated self.  because of clear ego boundaries, the individual achieves relative separation of emotion and intellect and so is motivated by reason and logic, rather than by intense feelings or relationship demands.  acting autonomously, the fully differentiated person is not a solitary individualist but tolerates both intimacy and isolation.  a major goal of bowen family systems interventions is to help individual family members 'rise up out of the emotional togetherness binding us all.'"

"enmeshment is defined somewhat differently.  as defined in minuchin's early works, structural family therapy rests on a curvilinear model of adaptive functioning: boundaries between subsystems can be too rigid or too diffuse.  enmeshed families, in which individual autonomy is sacrificed for the sake of connection, are characterized by blurred boundaries and low interpersonal distance leading to overinvolvement, extreme sensitivity, and acute reactivity between family members.  but too rigid boundaries lead to disengagement: too great interpersonal distance between individuals and subsystems results in limited potential for 'reverberation' or responsiveness and in the relative absence of emotional connection, warmth, and support.  interdependence is the ideal.  boundaries are clear enough to allow individual members to carry out functions without interference but permeable enough to permit contact and the flow of information.  while promoting the experience of self as a separate whole, structural family therapists equally emphasize the importance of mutuality and reciprocity between part and context, between individual and the family system."

"the 'neutral' standards of mental health and human development often reflect prototypically male characteristics.  this is most evident in bowen's model, in which qualities defined as adaptive for the system are stereotypical male traits writ large: rationality, autonomy, detachment, individuality, independence. . . the problem is not that certain 'male' characteristics are valued, but that they are located on a bipolar continuum that devalues or pathologizes stereotypically female qualities of emotionality, need for intense connection, and investment in relationships."

"lacking a positive language of connection and intimacy, family therapists label a wide range of womyn's behaviors as enmeshment or fusion. . . holding the individual womyn accountable for the dysfunctional patterns of the entire family system is a major sexist bias of family therapy."

"although womyn act dependently, they often have a fully differentiated strong self, which is camouflaged for the sake of other family members, particularly the husband. . . the belief that womyn are too dependent, fused, or enmeshed is false.  in reality, womyn are not dependent enough because they assume they need to take care of others without having their own needs met in return.  it is men who are dependent on womyn and who expect to have their needs met and gratified without ever having to acknowledge them."

"the subordinate group becomes the receptacle of traits denied by the dominant culture, such as dependency or emotionality.  because these traits threaten the dominant group, they are encoded in ways that devalue or minimize them."

"attention is deflected away from the consequences of domination by describing subordinates as morally weak, naturally substandard, or less than humyn.  for example, when a womyn is labeled enmeshed, family therapists can ignore how her financial dependence on her husband constrains her freedom, how available social options limit her means of personal development, how fear of male violence curtails her activities, and how social reactions constrain her efforts to transform her role."

"in male-defined models, autonomy and connection, individuation and belonging are defined as mutually exclusive constructs."

"the self develops and is validated through a reciprocal process of understanding and empathy, in which mutual connectedness and empowering the other leads to further articulation of the self.  within this context, womyn develop complex skills.  highly developed cognitive and emotional capacities facilitate their sensitivity to emotional nuances and needs of others.  this requires a strong sense of self characterized by flexible self/other boundaries, permitting intense closeness or caring distance depending on the momentary needs of the other and/or on the situational context.  relying on emotion as well as on reason, womyn have the capacity to tolerate and express a wide range of feelings, which facilitate identification with others.  demonstrating high adaptability to the short-term or developmental needs of others, womyn demonstrate a positive capacity to maintain relationships- a process requiring the ability to tolerate the ambiguous manifestations of change."

"the self develops within a context of relatedness, not by separating from it.  other aspects of the self (such as autonomy, competence, and self-esteem) become articulated through relational experiences of mutual empathy.  the mature self- characterized by complexity and fluidity- co-exists with intense affective connectedness."

"constant availability to others requires delaying gratification, being immediately emotionally present, and tolerating continuous interruptions and demands."

"in a context of inequality, the subordinate group must develop certain skills to insure survival.  first, womyn must acquire superior relational skills to protect and maintain their connection to men who wield symbolic or actual power over them.  since the dominant class tends to deny its vulnerabilities and weaknesses, subordinates develop great sensitivity to nonverbal cues, to what is not spoken.  members of the dominant group don't need to develop capacities for relation and connection, because it is assumed they will be cared for by subordinates."

"the dominant group is often threatened when subordinates begin to name and so legitimize their own experiences and values as this challenges the status quo and reveals the weaknesses and vulnerabilities of the more powerful group."

"these polarities emerge from the socially structured inequality of men and womyn, the culturally constituted ideology of gender, and the gender-specific developmental paths of individuals raised in the contemporary family form."