the pit

the pit

i couldn't find it choking me
i threw myself over a chair
held my hands to my throat
air not rushing heavy into spaces
all was doomed

the dance slammed me hard
the fire cooked me down
the arms closed upon themselves

pity

what i didn't ask for
was


11.05.12

https://soundcloud.com/slow-and-behold/the-pit

yes, the door.

yes, the door.

my doors are shut

i hear you say except

windows of words

flew out of a mouth

i saw through

a few, vistas

and kitchens, i heard

so many songs

my doors are shut

i hear you say

except this,

accept this

i reached for the pass

your hand outstretched

palm to palm

so many fingers

my doors are shut

i hear you

say it first with voice

and with eyes again

and again

i'll echo

shut my doors!

close the windows!

board up the house!

my doors are shut

i hear

storms held

back, rain brewing,

wind tossing, i feel

hot then cool

and drifting, i try to knock

against things, bounce

off of meanings, prove

myself alive.

my doors are shut

i heard myself

say i don't know

why i slammed hard

with a quick crash

in my room, i was framing windows

in my room, i painted stones onto walls

in my book, i put my forehead to the ground

i tried to say

welcome,

sleep here

tell me your dreams

drumming a rhythm, a code

tapped with light

fists from the inside

here the walls serve as covers,

the floor a spine, 

a breeze through pages 

which door was knocking

supine blankness

an invisible book

against what matter

8.20.12

https://soundcloud.com/slow-and-behold/yes-the-door

renunciation

renunciation

here is this list:

i might drown

lose focus

be all white inside

have more birthdays under my belt

i might talk in specifics

have too little time

forget to laugh

carry heavy shoulders

maybe there's some tender wounds

that window might open

you might shut down

i could fly away

someone might make a sudden shift

from close to closed

and here is another:

you could fly away

i might sing big

could we share truths full of holes

fall asleep with arms of relief

take long breaths and take long walks

and dance in and out of the normal

could we rub against the warmth, the edges?

sand and skin and shifting tides

softening and opening

i might not need

you might not need

what then?

8/6/12

https://soundcloud.com/slow-and-behold/renunciation-1