PURSUERS
- react to anxiety by seeking greater togetherness in a relationship
- place a high value on talking things out and expressing feelings, and believe others should do the same
- feels rejected and take it personally when someone close to them wants more time and space alone or away from the relationship
- tend to pursue harder and then coldly withdraw when an important person seeks distance
- may negatively label themselves as 'too dependent' or 'too demanding' in a relationship
- tend to criticize their partner as someone who can't handle feelings or tolerate closeness
- seeks emotional distance or physical space when stress is high
- consider themselves to be self-reliant and private persons -- more 'do-it-yourselfers' than help-seekers
- have difficulty showing their needy, vulnerable, and dependent sides
- receive such labels as 'emotionally unavailable,' 'withholding,' 'unable to deal with feelings' from significant others
- manage anxiety in personal relationships by intensifying work-related projects
- may cut off a relationship entirely when things get intense, rather than hanging in and working it out
- opens up most freely when they are not pushed or pursued
- tend to have several areas where they just can't get organized
- become less competent under stress, thus inviting others to take over
- tend to develop physical or emotional symptoms when stress is high in either the family or the work situation
- may become the focus of family gossip, worry, or concern
- earn such labels as the 'patient,' the 'fragile one,' the 'sick one,' the 'problem,' the 'irresponsible one'
- have difficulty showing their strong, competent side to intimate others
- know what's best not only for themselves but for others as well
- move in quickly to advise, rescue, and take over when stress hits
- have difficulty staying out and allowing others to struggle with their own problems
- avoid worrying about their own personal goals and problems by focusing on others
- have difficulty sharing their own vulnerable, underfunctioning side, especially with those people who are viewed as having problems
- may be labeled the person who is 'always reliable' or 'always together'
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