some basics

quotes from taming the tiger within by thich nhat hanh

"the energy of mindfulness contains the energy of concentration as well as the energy of insight. concentration helps you to focus on just one thing. with concentration, the energy of looking becomes more powerful. because of that, it can make a breakthrough that is insight. insight always has the power of liberating you."

"in taking good care of yourself, you take good care of your beloved one. self-love is the foundation for your capacity to love the other person."

"when you make another suffer, he or she will try to find relief by making you suffer more."

"punishing the other person is self-punishment. that is true in every circumstance."

"in true love, there is no pride. you cannot pretend that you don't suffer. you cannot pretend that you are not angry. this kind of denial is based on pride. 'angry? me? why should i be angry? i'm okay.' but, in fact, you are not okay. you are in hell. anger is burning you up, and you must tell your partner, your son, your daughter."

"when you understand the situation of the other person, when you understand the nature of suffering, anger will vanish, because it is transformed into compassion."

"when you are carried away with your worries, fears, cravings, anger, and desire, you run away from yourself and you lose yourself."

"when we understand that we cannot be destroyed, we are liberated from fear."

"true love is made of understanding -- understanding the other person, the object of your love; understanding their suffering, their difficulties, and their true aspiration. out of understanding there will be kindness, there will be compassion, there will be an offering of joy."

quotes from how to fight by thich nhat hanh

"we need to reconcile within ourselves before we can reconcile with someone else. we recognize and embrace all our feelings and emotions. we see that the cause of our suffering lies within us and not in the other person -- they have only touched the seed of suffering already inside us. understanding this, we can see our own part in the difficulty that has arisen, and compassion can be born.

when you have reconciled and are at peace with yourself, it is much easier to go to the other person and say, 'i know you have suffered a lot. i know i have also contributed to your suffering. i haven't been very mindful or skillful. i didn't understand your suffering and difficulties enough. i may have said or done things that have made the situation worse. i'm sorry. i didn't mean to hurt you. your happiness, your safety, your freedom, and your joy are important to me. because i have been caught in my own suffering, i have been unskillful at times. i may have given you the impression that i wanted to make you suffer. that's not true. so please tell me about your suffering so that i will not make the same kind of mistake again. i know that your happiness is crucial to my own happiness. i need your help. tell me about your fear and despair, your difficulties, your dreams, so that i can understand you better.'"

"sometimes we receive a large amount of praise. we do need to be praised from time to time, but we want to be careful not to become too proud because of the praise. so you say to yourself or aloud: 'you are partly right.' it means: 'yes, i do have that gift but it's not just mine; it has been handed down to me by my ancestors. and everyone has talents and gifts of some kind.'

sometimes we are criticized. we do need a certain amount of feedback in order to help us progress, but it's important not to be caught in the criticism and become paralyzed by it. you can say the mantra to yourself or out loud, 'you are partly right.' it means: 'yes, i do manifest that unfortunate characteristic sometimes, but i am much more than that. this is something that i have received from my ancestors and i am in the process of transforming it, for their sake and for mine.'"