putting makeup on space

quotes from living beautifully with uncertainty and change by pema chodron

"it's not impermanence per se, or even knowing we're going to die, that is the cause of our suffering, the buddha taught. rather, it's our resistance to the fundamental uncertainty of our situation. our discomfort arises from all of our efforts to put ground under our feet, to realize our dream of constant okayness. when we resist change, it's called suffering. but when we can completely let go and not struggle against it, when we can embrace the groundlessness of our situation and relax into its dynamic quality, that's called enlightenment, or awakening to our true nature, to our fundamental goodness. another word for this is freedom -- freedom from struggling against the fundamental ambiguity of being human."

"what it means to be in denial: you can't hear anything that doesn't fit into your fixed identity. even something positive -- you're kind or you did a great job or you have a wonderful sense of humor -- is filtered through this fixed identity. you can't take it in unless it's already part of your self-definition.

in buddhism we call the notion of a fixed identity 'ego clinging.' it's how we try to put solid ground under our feet in an ever-shifting world. meditation practice starts to erode that fixed identity. as you sit, you begin to see yourself with more clarity, and you notice how attached you are to your opinions about yourself. often the first blow to the fixed identity is precipitated by a crisis. when things start to fall apart in your life, as they did in mine when i came to gampo abbey, you feel as if your whole world is crumbling. but actually it's your fixed identity that's crumbling."

"in my stroke of insight, the brain scientist jill bolte taylor's book about her recovery from a massive stroke, she explains the physiological mechanism behind emotion: an emotion like anger that's an automatic response lasts just ninety seconds from the moment it's triggered until it runs its course. one and a half minutes, that's all. when it lasts any longer, which it usually does, it's because we've chosen to rekindle it."

"chogyam trungpa had an image for our tendency to obscure the openness of our being; he called it 'putting makeup on space.' we can aspire to experience the space without the makeup. staying open and receptive for even a short time starts to interrupt our deep-seated resistance to feeling what we're feeling, to staying present where we are."

"as you're meditating, memories of something distressing that happened in the past may bubble up. it can be quite freeing to see all of that. but if you revisit the memory of something distressing over and over, rehashing what happened and obsessing on the story line, it becomes part of your static identity. you're just strengthening your propensity to experience yourself as the one who was wronged, as the victim. you're strengthening a preexisting propensity to blame others - your parents and anyone else - as the ones who wronged you."

"all of our habitual patterns are efforts to maintain a predictable identity: 'i am an angry person'; 'i am a friendly person'; 'i am a lowly worm.' we can work with these mental habits when they arise and stay with our experience not just when we're meditating but also in daily life."

"the three commitments are three levels of working with groundlessness. underlying them all is the basic instruction to make friends with yourself -- to be honest to yourself and kind. this begins with the willingness to stay present whenever you experience uneasiness. as these feelings arise, rather than running away, you lean into them. instead of trying to get rid of thoughts and feelings, you become curious about them. as you become accustomed to experiencing sensation free of interpretation, you will come to understand that contacting the fundamental ambiguity of being human provides a precious opportunity - the opportunity to be with life just as it is, the opportunity to experience the freedom of life without a story line."