a stepping stone

all quotes from start where you are by pema chodron

"underneath all that craving or aversion or jealousy or feeling wretched about yourself, underneath all that hopelessness and despair and depression there's something extremely soft. . . when these things arise, train gradually and very gently without making it into a big deal. begin to get the hang of feeling what's underneath the story line. feel the wounded heart that's underneath the addiction, self-loathing, or anger."

"you breathe the anger in; you remove the object. . . now you own the anger completely. you drive all blames into yourself. it takes a lot of bravery, and it's extremely insulting to ego."

"your own pain is like a stepping stone. your heart develops more and more, and even if someone comes up and insults you, you could genuinely understand the whole situation because you understand so well where everybody's coming from."

"part of awakening is to cultivate honesty and clear seeing. sometimes people take the lojong teaching to mean that if you're not to blame others but instead to connect with the feelings beneath your own story line, it would be wrong to say that someone has harmed you. however, part of honesty, clear seeing, and straightforwardness is being able to acknowledge that harm has been done."

"this is tricky business. what's the difference between seeing that harm has been done and blaming? perhaps it is that rather than point the finger of blame, we raise questions: 'how can i communicate? how can i help the harm that has been done unravel itself? how can i help others find their own wisdom, kindness, and sense of humor?'"

"setting goals for others can be aggressive -- really wanting a success story for ourselves. when we do this to others, we are asking them to live up to our ideals. instead, we should just be kind."