morals

excerpts from alice's adventures in wonderland by lewis carroll [charles lutwidge dodgson]

* * * 
"tut, tut, child!" said the duchess. "everything's got a moral, if only you can find it." and she squeezed herself up closer to alice's side as she spoke.
alice did not much like her keeping so close to her: first, because the duchess was very ugly, and secondly, because she was exactly the right height to rest her chin on alice's shoulder, and it was an uncomfortably sharp chin. however, she did not like to be rude: so she bore it as well as she could.
"the game's going on rather better now," she said, by way of keeping up the conversation a little. 
"'tis so," said the duchess: "and the moral of that is - 'oh, 'tis love, 'tis love, that makes the world go round!'"
"somebody said," alice whispered, "that it's done by everybody minding their own business!"
"ah well! it means much the same thing," said the duchess, digging her sharp little chin into alice's shoulder as she added, "and the moral of that is - 'take care of the sense, and the sounds will take care of themselves.'"
"how fond she is of finding morals in things!" alice thought to herself.
"i dare say you're wondering why i don't put my arm round your waist," the duchess said, after a pause: the reason is, that i'm doubtful about the temper of your flamingo. shall i try the experiment?"
"he might bite," alice cautiously replied, not feeling at all anxious to have the experiment tried.
"very true," said the duchess: "flamingoes and mustard both bite. and the moral of that is - 'birds of a feather flock together.'"
"only mustard isn't a bird," alice remarked.
"right, as usual," said the duchess: "what a clear way you have of putting things!"
"it's a mineral, i think," said alice.
"of course it is," said the duchess, who seemed ready to agree to everything that alice said: "there's a large mustard-mine near here. and the moral of that is - 'the more there is of mine, the less there is of yours.'"
"oh, i know," exclaimed alice, who had not attended to this last remark. "it's a vegetable. it doesn't look like one, but it is."
"i quite agree with you," said the duchess; "and the moral of that is - 'be what you would seem to be' - or, if you'd like it put more simply - 'never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than what it might appear to others that what you were or might have been was not otherwise than what you had been would have appeared to them to be otherwise.'"
"i think i should understand that better," alice said very politely, "if i had it written down: but i can't quite follow it as you say it."
"that's nothing to what i could say if i chose," the duchess replied, in a pleased tone.
"pray don't trouble yourself to say it any longer than that," said alice.
"oh, don't talk about trouble!" said the duchess. "i made you a present of everything i've said as yet."
"a cheap sort of present!" thought alice. "i'm glad they don't give birthday-presents like that!" but she did not venture to say it out loud.
"thinking again?" the duchess asked, with another dig of her sharp little chin.
"i've a right to think," said alice sharply, for she was beginning to feel a little worried.

* * *

"i've been to a day-school too," said alice. "you needn't be so proud as all that."
"with extras?" asked the mock turtle, a little anxiously.
"yes," said alice: "we learned french and music."
"and washing?" said the mock turtle.
"certainly not!" said alice indignantly.
"ah! then yours wasn't a really good school," said the mock turtle, in a tone of great relief. "now, at ours, they had, at the end of the bill, 'french, music, and washing - extra.'"
"you couldn't have wanted it much," said alice; "living at the bottom of the sea."
"i couldn't afford to learn it," said the mock turtle with a sigh. "i only took the regular course."
"what was that?" enquired alice.
"Reeling and Writhing, of course, to begin with," the mock turtle replied; "and then the different branches of Arithmetic - Ambition, Distraction, Uglification, and Derision."
"i never heard of 'Uglification,'" alice ventured to say. "what is it?"
the gryphon lifted up both its paws in surprise. "never heard of uglifying!" it exclaimed. "you know what to beautify is, i suppose?"
"yes," said alice doubtfully: "it means - to - make - anything - prettier."
"well, then," the gryphon went on, "if you don't know what to uglify is, you are a simpleton."
alice did not feel encouraged to ask any more questions about it: so she turned to the mock turtle, and said "what else had you to learn?"
"well, there was Mystery," the mock turtle replied, counting off the subjects on his flappers, - "Mystery, ancient and modern, with Seaography : then Drawling - the Drawling-master was an old conger-eel, that used to come in once a week : he taught us Drawling, Stretching, and Fainting in Coils."
"what was that like?" said alice.
"well, i can't show it you, myself," the mock turtle said: "i'm too stiff. and the gryphon never learnt it."
"hadn't time," said the gryphon: "i went to the classical master, though. he was an old crab, he was."
"i never went to him," the mock turtle said with a sigh. "he taught Laughing and Grief, they used to say."
"so he did, so he did," said the gryphon, sighing in his turn; and both creatures hid their faces in their paws.