theoretical issues

quotes from the essay "is family systems theory really systemic?  a feminist communication" by harriet goldhor lerner from the book a guide to feminist family therapy

"viewing the world through a patriarchal lens is equated with a position of 'neutrality' requiring neither explanation nor justification, while those of us operating from a feminist perspective are suspected of bias or excessive subjectivity."

"patriarchy does not decline when individual womyn make clear 'i-statements' about their thoughts, feelings, and wants.  indeed, it is extremely difficult for subordinate group members to identify their own thoughts, feelings, and wants, because dominant group members define the very nature of things."

"those womyn who openly express anger about their victimized status are the same womyn who have been busy writing womyn back into language and history, discovering womyn's roots in prior generations, and establishing countless programs and services central to womyn's lives, such as health clinics, childcare centers, antirape squads, scholarly journals, womyn's studies programs in universities, to name just a few."

"every family therapist knows that it is not useful to think in terms of villains and victims in a family system; spouses choose each other for good reasons, provoke and maintain each other's behavior and resist the very changes that they seek.  psychoanalytic theorists also are aware that if one looks deeply enough, no one is to blame for anything.  cause and effect are circularly intertwined and we all do the best we can, given our context and circumstances.  'blaming,' however, is a word used glibly in reference to feminists and has not been clearly enough defined.  on the one hand, there is repetitive, nonproductive blaming that only serves to maintain homeostasis and blur one's sense of clarity of self and responsibility for one's own life.  on the other hand, there is other-directed anger that occurs when an individual can clearly identify those external forces impeding growth and blocking one's ability to develop the self and define the terms of one's own life.  members of subordinate groups experience this other-directed anger when they are able to see beyond the dominant group's definition of 'reality' and clearly identify their own subordinate status.  this other-directed anger does not reflect enmeshment or undifferentiation, but rather is an expression of dignity and self-regard which are essential milestones in the process of personal and social change.  other-directed anger that serves to challenge the status quo must be distinguished from nonproductive anger that serves only to maintain it."

"the family system is given its shape and form by the societal system, which reciprocally is shaped and formed by the family system."

"viewed from feminist eyes, a family focus that ignores the dysfunction of the sociocultural system is equally as narrow as an intrapsychic focus on an identified patient that ignores the primary dysfunction in the family system."

"as long as men are the makers and shapers of culture in the world outside the home, as long as womyn are not free to define the terms of their own lives, as long as society continues to convey the message that mother is the child's environment, then the basic dysfunctional triad of distant, overfunctioning father, emotionally intense, overinvolved mother with a child with little room to grow up, is a natural outgrowth and microcosm of the culture."

"the more womyn are blocked from proceeding with their own growth and excluded from positions of power and authority outside the home, the more they become excessively child-focused.  as emotional intensity and intimacy increase within the mother-child dyad, the distance and emotional isolation of the husband/father becomes more entrenched."

"at the heart of systemic theory is the notion that a dysfunctional individual can best be helped by disrupting and changing the rigid rules, expectations, and structures that inhibit growth in the family system.  yet, systems theory has not seriously addressed the parallel notion that dysfunctional families can best be helped by disrupting and changing the rigid rules, expectations, and structures of patriarchal culture."

"low on the differentiation scale is the stereotypic female: life energy goes into seeking love, approval, happiness, and security; there is relatively little investment in pursuing independent, goal-directed activities; feeling and emotions override more planful, intellectual (i.e., 'masculine') modes of thought; and 'being for' others outweighs 'being for' the self."

"de-selfing is culturally prescribed for womyn, who are taught to strengthen men by containing and expressing the very qualities that men fear in themselves and do not wish to be 'weakened' by.  de-selfing and underfunctioning are still considered by some to be the hallmarks of successful femininity."

"the pressures on men to overfunction, through relinquishing the experience and expression of dependency, passivity, vulnerability, and other so-called 'weaknesses' or 'feminine attributes' constitutes a de-selfing of its own kind.  further, men are characteristically the underfunctioners when it comes to attunement with the emotional components of humyn experience, and the ability to rely on cooperative, rather than aggressive/competitive modes of interactions.  while it is clear to feminists and systems thinkers alike that underfunctioners and overfunctioners reinforce each other's complimentary positions and 'get stuck' in self-perpetuating sequences of interaction that are difficult to interrupt, family systems theorists have yet to pay sufficient attention to the cultural 'rules of the game' which effect and reinforce these circular dances."