more falling apart

quotes from when things fall apart (chapters 3&4) by pema chodron

...feelings like disappointment, embarrassment, irritation, resentment, anger, jealousy, and fear, instead of being bad news, are actually very clear moments that teach us where it is that we're holding back.

that's being nailed by life, the place where you have no choice except to embrace what's happening or push it away.

there are so many ways that have been dreamt up to entertain us away from the moment, soften its hard edge, deaden it so we don't have to feel the full impact of the pain that arises when we cannot manipulate the situation to make us come out looking fine.

basically, disappointment, embarrassment, and all these places where we just cannot feel good are a sort of death.  we've just lost our ground completely; we are unable to hold it together and feel that we're on top of things.  rather than realizing that it takes death for there to be birth, we just fight against the fear of death.

the most important aspect of being on the spiritual path may be to just keep moving.

rather than indulge or reject our experience, we can somehow let the energy of the emotion, the quality of what we're feeling, pierce us to the heart... its definitely the path of compassion- the path of cultivating human bravery and kindheartedness.

we might think, as we become more open, that it's going to take bigger catastrophes for us to reach our limit.  the interesting thing is that, as we open more and more, it's the big ones that immediately wake us up and the little things that catch us off guard.  however, no matter what the size, color, or shape is, the point is still to lean toward the discomfort of life and see it clearly rather than to protect ourselves from it.

in any case, the point is not to try to get rid of thoughts, but rather to see their true nature.  thoughts will run us around in circles if we buy into them, but really they are like dream images.

ultimately it comes down to the question of just how willing we are to lighten up and loosen our grip.  how honest do we want to be with ourselves?